drained hahahahahaha fuck you all, you are all pointless piece of shits who don’t deserve everything you have. go die in a hole. I hate you all holy shit please die. get away from me I want to be alone give me alone ugh fuck you

it all hurts everyone keeps lying to me, I don't even know who to trust anymore. It's al pointless. I want to dissappear.

No distractions Third entry, it’s getting worse.. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t distract myself from feeling it fully.. even my best distraction, masturbation, isn’t working anymore.. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any interest in my hobbies anymore. Art and writing is too tiring and exhausting. It’s weird, I used to want to do them but now they all feel empty and nihilistic.. Please, someone help me escape from this. I don’t know if I want to stay here or disappear forever..

Avoidance Second entry of the day, but leaving everything behind and disappearing seems better than keeping and trying to be extroverted to others. I don’t want them to leave me, so I’ll leave first. Yeon… I’m sorry.. I’ve been thinking of wanting to leave from the very first start. I didn’t know what to do with your feelings before we became together, so I accepted it. I love you, I really do, but I can’t bring myself to wonder why you do. We didn’t talk much before so why? I want to run away so bad you don’t know what it feels like. I wish I could run to a snowy forest and stay there forever, forgetting all the hurt I’ve been experiencing from Enanan and everyone else. Though, some part of me wants you to come with me and hold my hand as I disappear here. Can you do that? Then, after that you can leave me in that place and go better off with a new person. Just not me. I want to stay here forever. I would lay back in the snow and watch the snowflakes come down and feel my back starting to numb from the cold. At least I don’t have to worry about anything else but the numbness of my feet. Right, I would also take off my socks and let it numb anyways, This is getting off topic.., but.. I still want to do that. After all, it’s only an online relationship. But please, stay with me and don’t leave me alone at my “ first “ time staying here. I want you to find someone else better, please. Leave me alone here and let me handle my thoughts.

I feel so empty nowadays I don’t have any honest need for a partner. Yes, Yeon treats me well, but I just can’t find the reason why she would like me out of all the others. Honestly, I don’t mind if she finds another one, after all, it’s all worthless. My academics—I don’t care anymore.. as long as I pass.. whatever. The feeling of wanting to disappear and run away from everything is getting so much stronger, I don’t know what to do. Out of desperation I made this ata so that I could release all that feeling of emptiness, I hope it’ll work. No one can see my true feelings here anyways. The idea of me being alone here with just my feelings is just the right thing for me. No pressure from my partner and no pressure from anyone at all. . At this low stakes thing, I feel safe. Even though no responses could be made from my empty rants, it’s still worth it.